If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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