it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just had sex on a roof
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
