He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
