I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
