Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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