I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I love you. Go after that dick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize