my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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