Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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