White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
