If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
