But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
