At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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