My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize