guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
