the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
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