Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
