I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
