my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
