you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
vagina is talking i cant
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
