screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
