hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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