Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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