If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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