they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
