I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This is my gift to your gina
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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