3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
