My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
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You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
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Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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