the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
