Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
