atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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