I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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