I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
