my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
