my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.