Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?