Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
it's like iHOP with fire
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex