You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
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So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.