Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
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Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo