Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.

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(214): View more from Texas

You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(612): View more from Minnesota

If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.

(1-612): View more from Minnesota

Or a large amount of condoms?!?

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(404): View more from Georgia

She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.

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(417): View more from Missouri

I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.

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