Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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