Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.

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  (609): i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th. http://tfl.nu/t2dt
  Replies (18) Good night (2565) Bad night (995)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?

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  (612): how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight? http://tfl.nu/54td
  Replies (13) Good night (3878) Bad night (1106)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note

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  (706): Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note http://tfl.nu/2uyq
  Replies (5) Good night (4403) Bad night (1004)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.

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  (843): The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own. http://tfl.nu/b2cm
  Replies (1) Good night (3067) Bad night (637)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....

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  (267): I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa.... http://tfl.nu/2i55
  Replies (6) Good night (2560) Bad night (720)
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  (916): View more from California

  She said she liked strap-ons.

  (1-916): View more from California

  SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!

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  (916): She said she liked strap-ons. (1-916): SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER! http://tfl.nu/41v6
  Replies (14) Good night (3070) Bad night (786)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.

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  (586): In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies. http://tfl.nu/9bz2
  Replies (4) Good night (1053) Bad night (660)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it

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  (541): I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it http://tfl.nu/0g6v
  Replies (4) Good night (2327) Bad night (542)
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  (310): View more from California

  oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.

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  (310): oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars. http://tfl.nu/b3kf
  Replies (4) Good night (730) Bad night (389)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED

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  (586): I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED http://tfl.nu/w9fp
  Replies (10) Good night (985) Bad night (534)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.

  (469): View more from Texas

  I have the flu.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't give a shit

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  (214): I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now. (469): I have the flu. (214): I don't give a shit http://tfl.nu/yb1n
  Replies (12) Good night (1428) Bad night (504)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas

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  (308): I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas http://tfl.nu/d21x
  Replies (1) Good night (538) Bad night (324)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!

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  (304): I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!! http://tfl.nu/l5gi
  Replies (2) Good night (334) Bad night (684)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls

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  (908): Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls http://tfl.nu/2qe0
  Replies (1) Good night (577) Bad night (633)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!

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  (386): Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth! http://tfl.nu/wrvh
  Replies (6) Good night (1446) Bad night (377)

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