You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.