My nipple is on Facebook.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
