My liver just broke up with me...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Im part way to drunk.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
