My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
