You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sarcasm needs its own font
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
