He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
