I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
