i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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