I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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