Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Two words: blizzard sex
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
