I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
