beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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