this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
