apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
