I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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