just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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