don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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