I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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