let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
