Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
