y did u give ur computer a hand job?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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