My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
