oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
