That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
