So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
