I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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