Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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