i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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