I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
