Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
