I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
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You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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