im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
