I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize