Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
